


After You've Gone

by Rivulet027



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-17
Updated: 2013-08-17
Packaged: 2017-12-23 18:40:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/929774
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rivulet027/pseuds/Rivulet027
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ronon isn't sure what to do with the Carson they've frozen, isn't sure how to take that Carson is still alive. With a little encouragement he finds himself talking to Carson.</p>
            </blockquote>





	After You've Gone

**Author's Note:**

  * For [angelus2hot](https://archiveofourown.org/users/angelus2hot/gifts).



> Disclaimer: I own nothing to do with SGA. It's not my toy box and I'm merely playing.
> 
> A/N: Post The Kindred part 2.

Ronon pauses when he realizes where his feet have taken him. He slows his pace as he gets closer to the door and then stills in front of it. He takes several slow breaths as he stares at the door debating, and then he backs away slowly and stretches. He never takes his eyes off the door. When he’s finished his stretching he folds his arms across his chest and stands there debating. 

He’s still standing there when Jennifer approaches. He doesn’t mention that she looks startled to see him, though she hides it quickly as she greets him. Ronon nods.

“I’m just checking on Carson,” she explains as she opens the door and glances back, the question of if he’s going to follow clear on her face. Ronon tells himself to walk away even as his feet propel him forward. He’d like to at least hesitate in the doorway, but he steps through and takes in that Carson is exactly as they’d left him. 

It’s not right the way he’s standing there in white scrubs, so still.

Ronon leans against the wall next to the door as Jennifer checks the readings from the statis unit. 

“I went to his memorial, this is worse.”

Jennifer regards him a moment then shakes her head, “No, it isn’t. We’ll find a cure and then we’ll have him back.”

“He’s not the Carson we lost, but he’s still…” Ronon’s words trail away and he crosses his arms over his chest again.

“He is,” Jennifer agrees, “Six months is a long time, it makes a difference. He’s also been through a lot, being held captive and conditioned by Michael, but at the end of the day he’s still Carson and we will get him back.”

Ronon nods, “Teyla too.”

As he turns to go Jennifer tells him to wait. Ronon stills, not sure if he wants to turn around or not. Jennifer approaches him slowly, makes sure he can hear each step before she places a hand on his arm, “Stay, talk to him.”

“He can’t hear me.”

“Atlantis is complex,” she points out, “and as much as we know about statis pods, there are things we’ve yet to study. Who’s to say he doesn’t hear you? Besides it might be good for you.”

Ronon turns around, frowns at her, then looks past her to Carson. She pats his arm before she walks away. He shifts around, moves closer to Carson and stares, studies the doctor’s face for a long moment before he turns and walks away.

He’s back later that night, sitting down on the floor hugging his knees loosely as he looks up at Carson. The words pour out of him slowly, “Six months is a long time. I feel guilty for thinking that when Michael had you for longer.”

Carson doesn’t reassure, but Ronon knows he would.

“Michael had you so long and I know what the Wraith do. Michael’s worse. We didn’t even know he had you.”

Silence fills the air and Ronon pauses for a breath. 

“I have a lot to say to you, but I…” with a sigh Ronon trails off and stands. He brushes off his legs and frowns at Carson before shaking his head and walking away.

He’s back early the next morning before his first training session. He paces in front of Carson, then stills and touches the pod. He traces the shape of Carson’s face with his fingertips before shaking his head and walking away.

As much as Ronon tells himself not to he finds himself back a few hours later. He walks right up to Carson, takes in the frozen features and tells him, “I used to feel as though I’d never stop running, even after you removed the tracking device. There’s this constant need to move. You’re calming though. The way you care about everyone, it’s calming. It helped, I miss that.”

Ronon stares down at his hands, takes a slow breath then admits, “I used to worry that my interest in you was a way of missing Melena. It was not a thought I wanted to admit. I loved you both though.”

He almost points out that he lost both of them to explosions, instead he walks away.

When he stops by later that day he finds McKay chatting animatedly at Carson, hands waving to emphasis points as he paces back and forth. Ronon backs away slowly, knowing that McKay will try to talk about what they’re both doing, that he’ll try and make it better but that it’ll only become awkward and painful.

That night when they’re alone and the teams still hasn’t found Telya, Ronon admits, “We kissed for the first time three months before you died.”

The next morning Ronon tells Carson, “I liked your mother. I wished I’d met her under better circumstances. I don’t know what you’ll tell her when Doctor Keller figures this out, but I know you were her whole world.”

After lunch Ronon admits, “I wanted to kiss you instead of hug you, but you don’t remember us. To you that never happened and you weren’t around long enough for me to tell you about it.”

Ronon tries to visit Carson before he goes to bed, but Doctor Biro is bustling around the statis pod. He’s tired from a long day of not finding Telya so he walks away.

He greets Carson after his morning run, telling him, “I don’t want this to turn into a memorial, where we all share our thoughts about you when we see each other or we…I want to tell you about us. Then I realize that might be worse, telling you and knowing you can’t hear me.”

With a frustrated huff of air Ronon steps close to the statis pod, reaches out and then shakes himself before he walks away.

He tells himself he’s not going back. He tells himself it worse going back. Then he takes a run before bedtime and he’s near the statis pod when Radek zips past him, shoulders tense as he tells a medical team to meet him. Ronon hesitates for only a moment more before he follows Radek to the door.

Carson’s on the floor sputtering, arms wrapped around himself as he shakes.

“You came out of it too fast,” Radek is explaining as he’s stripping off his jacket and wrapping it around Carson, “Spontaneous shut down. I don’t know what went wrong yet, but Doctor Keller is on her way and so is Rodney. We will figure this out.”

“Aye,” Carson agrees before his teeth start to chatter. He’s hunched over himself, clutching Radek’s jacket around his shoulder.

Ronon hesitates only a moment longer before he strips off his shirt and strides purposefully over to Carson. He pulls Carson into his lap, snuggles Carson down against his chest and then covers him with Radek’s jacket. He hugs Carson close, closes his eyes and lets the words he’s been wanting to say all day melt in his throat, “You’re going to be okay.”

“Now that I’ve got you warming me up,” Carson teases, his lips tickling Ronon’s shoulder, “You should keep coming and talking to me. Update me on Telya, tell me what’s happening around the base and what led up to kissing.”

Startled Ronon blinks down at Carson. Carson smiles at him and Ronon can’t help but smile back.


End file.
